Rehab

I recently read a quote by Jon Bergeron, Ph D. for Hope for Orphans.  He said "Adoption day isn't the first day of happily ever after.  It's the first day of rehab."  Reflecting on our week at Outdoor School I think this was a good reminder for me.  In many ways our adoption experience has been ideal.  There's been the normal adjustments when adding another child to the family, but he came home sleeping through the night, is a pretty content boy and has fit fairly easily into our family.  It could seem like happily ever after from our side.  But from his side, it is rehab and we as parents need to be mindful of that.

I was getting ready to take the two youngest to their class the first morning of Outdoor School.  My plan was to stay with our son the whole time, but a part of me wondered if he'd be fine since things have been going so well.  I set him beside some toys and took my daughter across the room to change her diaper.  He quickly realized I wasn't beside him and while I could see him, he did not see me.  He fell apart.  Deep sobbing cries that he cried when we first took him from his foster home.  I finished with my daughter as quickly as I could and took him from the worker.  We sat on the couch while I sang to him.  He cried.  I rocked him.  He clung tightly.  I whispered I loved him.  He kept his head against my chest.  I told him I wasn't leaving him.  Slowly he looked up at me and then set his head back down, his grip remaining firm around me.  This was common in Hong Kong and our first few weeks home, but hasn't happened the past few months.  This is rehab.  His experience has been that new places become permanent and care givers disappear.  And while he is an easy going boy it will take time to see that Mommy and Daddy always come back and new places are not something to be feared.  Overall he had a great time running around outside and playing with the other kids at Outdoor School, but we made sure that my husband or I was with him all of the time.  It was a good reminder that the voice that whispers to keep him close needs to be heeded for this time of rehab, however long it may be.