We've been home with our son for about 6 weeks now. We were just talking about a few of the changes we've seen in him since getting home. While in Hong Kong and when we first arrived home he ground his teeth a lot. They said that was normal for him. Just the other day we realized that we haven't heard him grinding his teeth in quite some time. I don't know exactly what that means, but we think it's a good thing. :) In the beginning he didn't want to be put down in the grass in the backyard (it is dry and prickly, so who could blame him). We could tell being out in the yard was stressful for him. Now, he's still a little slow to get down, but as long as he has his shoes on he soon wants out of our arms to get to the sandbox or little playhouse we have.
When he first came home he would fall and we'd think "Ow, that had to hurt" but he had no reaction. He'd just get back up and act like nothing happened. Now, he reacts. It's not an overreaction, but he cries and comes to seek us for comfort. For those who know a little bit about attachment in adoption, you'll know that's a great sign for attachment. At the beginning we were still strangers. He didn't know how we'd react, but now he knows we're here to comfort him. After a hug, kiss and little snuggle he's ready to hop down and resume playing.
It was also interesting to see the big difference in how adoptive parents reacted vs people who haven't adopted. The adoptive parents would always ask permission to hold him and even touch him. If I said yes, they were still hesitant. We're learning that part of his personality is to be friendly and if he's not tired he'll usually go to people outside our family. At the beginning of an adoption this is actually quite stressful as an adoptive parent, but most people tend to think this is a good sign. Why is it stressful? Because attachment in adoption is a really important aspect in forming healthy relationships. In extreme cases a child can develop Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) where they are charming to everyone around them except to the person or people they should attach to. Because of past hurt or neglect in the area of attachment, in order to protect themselves from being hurt by their adoptive parents they will do everything to push them away. If the child has learned to attach to a care giver, as our son did with his foster mother, they tend to have less problem attaching after adoption. Thankfully, our little guy seems to be doing well in attaching to us, but in the beginning we weren't sure how that process would go.
All three of our older children are "typical," meaning they do not have disabilities. I wondered how our life would change when we brought our son home. Would Down Syndrome be a large part of our lives? How different would it be to have a child with a disability? We are not very far into this journey, but DS has not played a significant role in our daily lives. He'll start therapies soon, so we'll find ways to accommodate those into our schedule, but day to day he is not our son with DS. He is simply our son. Our son who likes to hop right in a good wrestling match with his older siblings. Our son who finds it fun to yank on his big sister's ponytails. Our son who happily pushes boxes around the dining room. Our son who makes changing his clothes like wrestling an alligator. Our son who wants to snuggle when he gets tired. Our son who gives us so much joy as do all of our children.
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