The Blessing of Verity is a blog I follow regularly, but this particular post kept bringing me back over the course of a week. In many ways it is full of hope, describing the positive changes for children in an orphanage in Eastern Europe and particularly in the life of a little girl named Katie. But it also shows the reality that there are still children left and there are more children living in similar conditions in different orphanages in the same country. I left the blog with my emotions raw and turned to my devotions.
Right now I'm on the fifth or sixth reading of a book called Real Moms . . . Real Jesus by Jill Savage. It has been a huge encouragement as a mother in my relationship with God and my family. That particular night I started reading chapter 10: The Truth About Our Emotions. What struck me was not what the author had to say, but the bible passage she used. It reminded me of the Musser Family behind The Blessing of Verity. They were the first to adopt from this orphanage and helped to bring to light the severe neglect of these children. They have recently returned from adopting Tommy from the same orphanage since bringing Katie home.
Jill Savage uses the example of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead in John 11. She says "When Jesus finally arrived, Lazarus had been dead for four days. The grief was overwhelming as the women led Jesus to Lazarus' tomb. When they arrived at the place where Lazarus had been laid, Jesus wept outside the tomb." I do not know the Musser family personally, but I imagine that there was much grief in seeing the reality of the situation that so many children lived in.
"After spending some time in grief, Jesus made a request. 'Roll the stone aside,' Jesus told them"(vs 38-39). Just as Jesus did not sit in his grief, the Mussers took action and tackled mountains of paperwork to reach into the darkness for their Katie.
"But Martha, the dead man's sister, protested, 'Lord, he has been dead for four days. The smell with be terrible'" (v39b). No doubt they faced push back just as Jesus did. Quite literally the rooms the children were housed in and the children themselves had a terrible smell. And there are always questions, perhaps in their own minds and certainly in the minds of others. "Why would you take this one? What about your retirement? What about the children you already have?" And the list goes on.
"Jesus responded, 'Didn't I tell you that you would see God's glory if you believe?' So they rolled the stone aside. Then Jesus looked up to heaven and said, 'Father, thank you for hearing me. You always hear me, but I said it out loud for the sake of all these people standing here, so that they will believe you sent me'" (vs 40-42). Putting aside conventional wisdom, the Mussers trusted that they would see God's glory in the midst of the impossible.
"Then Jesus shouted, 'Lazarus, come out!'" (v 43). Being the hands and feet of Jesus they traveled thousands of miles to call Katie out of her hell.
"And the dead man came out, his hands and feet bound in grave clothes, his face wrapped in a head cloth. Jesus told them, 'Unwrap him and let him go!'" (v 44). Katie was unwrapped from the neglect, starvation and fear that she was bound in. She was not dead in a literal sense, but had been given a death sentence by her society. She was alive, but not living. She existed. Barely. Because a family had the courage to follow God into the darkness and unknown, the life of Katie and dozens of others have been transformed.
We live in a culture where we want to make our mark in the world. How much more of a mark can God make if we are willing to follow even into the unknown.
Brandi lives in this orphanage. Brandi still waits for a family to call her own, to help unbind her from merely existing. If you know someone who would follow God into the unknown would you share this blog post from Katie's mom with them?
God has a path of faith for each of us to follow. Where is He calling you?
Friday, August 23, 2013
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Settling In
We've been home with our son for about 6 weeks now. We were just talking about a few of the changes we've seen in him since getting home. While in Hong Kong and when we first arrived home he ground his teeth a lot. They said that was normal for him. Just the other day we realized that we haven't heard him grinding his teeth in quite some time. I don't know exactly what that means, but we think it's a good thing. :) In the beginning he didn't want to be put down in the grass in the backyard (it is dry and prickly, so who could blame him). We could tell being out in the yard was stressful for him. Now, he's still a little slow to get down, but as long as he has his shoes on he soon wants out of our arms to get to the sandbox or little playhouse we have.
When he first came home he would fall and we'd think "Ow, that had to hurt" but he had no reaction. He'd just get back up and act like nothing happened. Now, he reacts. It's not an overreaction, but he cries and comes to seek us for comfort. For those who know a little bit about attachment in adoption, you'll know that's a great sign for attachment. At the beginning we were still strangers. He didn't know how we'd react, but now he knows we're here to comfort him. After a hug, kiss and little snuggle he's ready to hop down and resume playing.
It was also interesting to see the big difference in how adoptive parents reacted vs people who haven't adopted. The adoptive parents would always ask permission to hold him and even touch him. If I said yes, they were still hesitant. We're learning that part of his personality is to be friendly and if he's not tired he'll usually go to people outside our family. At the beginning of an adoption this is actually quite stressful as an adoptive parent, but most people tend to think this is a good sign. Why is it stressful? Because attachment in adoption is a really important aspect in forming healthy relationships. In extreme cases a child can develop Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) where they are charming to everyone around them except to the person or people they should attach to. Because of past hurt or neglect in the area of attachment, in order to protect themselves from being hurt by their adoptive parents they will do everything to push them away. If the child has learned to attach to a care giver, as our son did with his foster mother, they tend to have less problem attaching after adoption. Thankfully, our little guy seems to be doing well in attaching to us, but in the beginning we weren't sure how that process would go.
All three of our older children are "typical," meaning they do not have disabilities. I wondered how our life would change when we brought our son home. Would Down Syndrome be a large part of our lives? How different would it be to have a child with a disability? We are not very far into this journey, but DS has not played a significant role in our daily lives. He'll start therapies soon, so we'll find ways to accommodate those into our schedule, but day to day he is not our son with DS. He is simply our son. Our son who likes to hop right in a good wrestling match with his older siblings. Our son who finds it fun to yank on his big sister's ponytails. Our son who happily pushes boxes around the dining room. Our son who makes changing his clothes like wrestling an alligator. Our son who wants to snuggle when he gets tired. Our son who gives us so much joy as do all of our children.
When he first came home he would fall and we'd think "Ow, that had to hurt" but he had no reaction. He'd just get back up and act like nothing happened. Now, he reacts. It's not an overreaction, but he cries and comes to seek us for comfort. For those who know a little bit about attachment in adoption, you'll know that's a great sign for attachment. At the beginning we were still strangers. He didn't know how we'd react, but now he knows we're here to comfort him. After a hug, kiss and little snuggle he's ready to hop down and resume playing.
It was also interesting to see the big difference in how adoptive parents reacted vs people who haven't adopted. The adoptive parents would always ask permission to hold him and even touch him. If I said yes, they were still hesitant. We're learning that part of his personality is to be friendly and if he's not tired he'll usually go to people outside our family. At the beginning of an adoption this is actually quite stressful as an adoptive parent, but most people tend to think this is a good sign. Why is it stressful? Because attachment in adoption is a really important aspect in forming healthy relationships. In extreme cases a child can develop Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) where they are charming to everyone around them except to the person or people they should attach to. Because of past hurt or neglect in the area of attachment, in order to protect themselves from being hurt by their adoptive parents they will do everything to push them away. If the child has learned to attach to a care giver, as our son did with his foster mother, they tend to have less problem attaching after adoption. Thankfully, our little guy seems to be doing well in attaching to us, but in the beginning we weren't sure how that process would go.
All three of our older children are "typical," meaning they do not have disabilities. I wondered how our life would change when we brought our son home. Would Down Syndrome be a large part of our lives? How different would it be to have a child with a disability? We are not very far into this journey, but DS has not played a significant role in our daily lives. He'll start therapies soon, so we'll find ways to accommodate those into our schedule, but day to day he is not our son with DS. He is simply our son. Our son who likes to hop right in a good wrestling match with his older siblings. Our son who finds it fun to yank on his big sister's ponytails. Our son who happily pushes boxes around the dining room. Our son who makes changing his clothes like wrestling an alligator. Our son who wants to snuggle when he gets tired. Our son who gives us so much joy as do all of our children.
Good and Best
I wrote this in my journal a couple months before bringing our son home. He has indeed added strength to our family and helped remind us of the important things in life. I am so thankful to have him apart of our family.
The severe neglect was evident to me as a 21 year old college student volunteering in an orphanage in the former Soviet Union. Babies were not held with a care giver gazing into their eyes while drinking from a bottle. The bottle, instead, was propped against the steel bars of the metal crib. A few of the older children were receiving treatment from foreign doctors for club feet. The majority of the disabilities were ignored. No medical treatment, no therapies to help them progress. Children lay in wet and soiled diapers for far too long. Human touch and love were withheld which caused some of the children to clamor for the attention of the volunteers while others recoiled even at our presence. At the time I thought most of the older children were between two and four years old. Today, as I've followed along the journey of sweet Katie, adopted as an 11 pound 9 year old, I realize that many of the kids could have in fact been 8, 10, 12 years old, the effects of severe neglect stunting their growth.
When it was time to officially begin our adoption journey both my husband and I felt God leading us to Hong Kong. We were interested in adopting a child with special needs and HK primarily adopts children internationally with special needs. When we received our son's profile we realized that God had prompted me to pray for him over a year before during a critical time in his life and the life of his birth mother. We have learned that the English name we have chosen combined with the Cantonese name his birth parents gave him means "add strength" in Cantonese. The kind lady helping us learn the meaning of his name said God knew he was our son and prompted us in his name because he will add strength to our family. I know he is our son. I have seen God leading him to us and yet sometimes I have wondered. Hong Kong takes very good care of the children in the custody of the state. Medical issues are addressed, therapies are given and the children in an orphanage setting are loved by their care givers. Many children, like our son, are in a family setting cared for by foster parents. They are not neglected. I have wondered why God would lead us to a child who is receiving good care when there are so many children who are suffering the effects of severe neglect. And as has happened many times in this adoption journey God showed me how this physical process of adoption parallels a spiritual truth. You see, while a temporary foster family is good, a permanent forever family is best. Children in both situations are in need of permanent, loving, forever families.
This is true is a spiritual sense. We all know someone whose life mirrors the life of the neglected orphan. The pain, the fear and the neglect are obvious as is the need for rescue from a life that is seemingly so hopeless. There is a need to be adopted into God's family.
There are also many of us whose life reflects the life of my son. Our lives are full of good. We cultivate our talents. The need for something more is not immediately obvious, but yet something is missing. Our good is not God's best. There is far more that He has for all who will ask and follow. He wants us all to be apart of His family.
The severe neglect was evident to me as a 21 year old college student volunteering in an orphanage in the former Soviet Union. Babies were not held with a care giver gazing into their eyes while drinking from a bottle. The bottle, instead, was propped against the steel bars of the metal crib. A few of the older children were receiving treatment from foreign doctors for club feet. The majority of the disabilities were ignored. No medical treatment, no therapies to help them progress. Children lay in wet and soiled diapers for far too long. Human touch and love were withheld which caused some of the children to clamor for the attention of the volunteers while others recoiled even at our presence. At the time I thought most of the older children were between two and four years old. Today, as I've followed along the journey of sweet Katie, adopted as an 11 pound 9 year old, I realize that many of the kids could have in fact been 8, 10, 12 years old, the effects of severe neglect stunting their growth.
When it was time to officially begin our adoption journey both my husband and I felt God leading us to Hong Kong. We were interested in adopting a child with special needs and HK primarily adopts children internationally with special needs. When we received our son's profile we realized that God had prompted me to pray for him over a year before during a critical time in his life and the life of his birth mother. We have learned that the English name we have chosen combined with the Cantonese name his birth parents gave him means "add strength" in Cantonese. The kind lady helping us learn the meaning of his name said God knew he was our son and prompted us in his name because he will add strength to our family. I know he is our son. I have seen God leading him to us and yet sometimes I have wondered. Hong Kong takes very good care of the children in the custody of the state. Medical issues are addressed, therapies are given and the children in an orphanage setting are loved by their care givers. Many children, like our son, are in a family setting cared for by foster parents. They are not neglected. I have wondered why God would lead us to a child who is receiving good care when there are so many children who are suffering the effects of severe neglect. And as has happened many times in this adoption journey God showed me how this physical process of adoption parallels a spiritual truth. You see, while a temporary foster family is good, a permanent forever family is best. Children in both situations are in need of permanent, loving, forever families.
This is true is a spiritual sense. We all know someone whose life mirrors the life of the neglected orphan. The pain, the fear and the neglect are obvious as is the need for rescue from a life that is seemingly so hopeless. There is a need to be adopted into God's family.
There are also many of us whose life reflects the life of my son. Our lives are full of good. We cultivate our talents. The need for something more is not immediately obvious, but yet something is missing. Our good is not God's best. There is far more that He has for all who will ask and follow. He wants us all to be apart of His family.
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