After the last blog we did hear something from Hong Kong.  We received the High Court Order which is the last official step needed in order get travel dates.  We are headed to HK!  Planes tickets have been purchased, hotels are booked, bags are being packed and butterflies are racing widely around in my stomach!  I'm trying to not think about the fact that I get sick on planes.  The good thing is that I'm not pregnant or nursing so I can take some meds to help curb that.  We have a boy who is eagerly going through his carry-on and can't wait to play with the activities in there.   He'll help bring his little brother home.  Soon we'll have our baby home!

I arrived home tonight from an unexpected visit to Idaho.  I forgot how many pictures of my son I have up around the house and it broke my heart.  I should not be holding pictures.  I should be holding my boy.  Friday came and went.  Friday was yet another day we were supposed to hear that the next step in the adoption process was done.  Friday we were supposed to get our travel dates.  Friday came and went with silence.  Perhaps tomorrow.  Or perhaps not.  I look at my calendar and see family events that I was not supposed to be able to attend.  Maybe now I will.  And while I will be happy to celebrate, they will also be reminders that I am there because my boy is not here.  It is a fight every moment to not let the "what ifs" take over.  I've heard adoption likened to a high risk pregnancy, only complications in this instance can make things drag on and on.  And sometimes you loose your child.  While I don't anticipate that happening I still feel the "what if" in the back of my mind.  I've been reading 1 and 2 Corinthians and have been encouraged to see that Paul was at a place of despairing and God carried him through.  I know my God is faithful through the excitement  as well as the hard parts of this journey.   He is holding my son even when I can not.